Comprendez vous?

Some days are good. Some days are not so good. Today has been a not so good day. I don't know why, but it seems that today the painfully slow speed of language acquisition is getting to me. I practice, and I concentrate, and I try so hard... yet when people talk to me I give them this glazed over look, which is quickly followed by what I am sure is a look of terror and confusion. Even if I know what they said! Even if I know what to say back!

It's just that I try to focus so hard on what people are saying, hoping that I will catch a word or something that will give me a clue, that when people turn the conversation towards creeper Megan who has been staring intently at them (these are not strangers, just to be clear...I'm not THAT much of a creep) I can't actually process what they have said.

And it is frustrating.

Some day's it's not so bad. Some days I can remind myself that I have been here less than two weeks and it will get easier. Some days I can remind myself that learning a language is a process and trying is what matters most.

Days like today, when I practice something to say to someone for 20 minutes in my head and then it STILL comes out wrong... days like today I feel discouraged and I want to quit trying.

I want to say, "I am only here for a short time, and then I have to learn another new language, so why bother."

I want to say, "I am only here to teach the kids, so I don't need to form relationships with other people."

But in that moment of despair, God says to me, "I alone know the plans I have for you. You have no idea what my purpose for you in France is other than to bring Glory to MY name and proclaim it wherever I place you. You will learn the language because you want to be able to tell the people you meet about MY greatness and MY worth."

It's a comfort to be reminded that none of this is about me. Yes, this experience will grow me in ways I cannot imagine, but my purpose on earth, wherever on earth I happen to be, is about God and His name.

Psalm 50:15 says "And call upon me in the day of trouble; I will deliver you, and you shall glorify me."

THAT is the purpose of my salvation and my very life; to glorify Him. Right now, that includes learning the language, even when I feel I am a hopeless cause. Learning the language allows me to connect with people, to form relationships, and to share the awesomeness of the God who saved me. I am NOTHING without Him, I have NO PURPOSE apart from His purposes for me.

The End.