Little girl, Big faith

 ^{Luke 2:28-38}
 
And he came to her and said, “Greetings, O favored one, the Lord is with you!” But she was greatly troubled at the saying, and tried to discern what sort of greeting this might be.  And the angel said to her, “Do not be afraid, Mary, for you have found favor with God.  And behold, you will conceive in your womb and bear a son, and you shall call his name Jesus.  He will be great and will be called the Son of the Most High. And the Lord God will give to him the throne of his father David, and he will reign over the house of Jacob forever, and of his kingdom there will be no end.” And Mary said to the angel, “How will this be, since I am a virgin?”
And the angel answered her, “The Holy Spirit will come upon you, and the power of the Most High will overshadow you; therefore the child to be born will be called holy—the Son of God.  And behold, your relative Elizabeth in her old age has also conceived a son, and this is the sixth month with her who was called barren.  For nothing will be impossible with God.” And Mary said, “Behold, I am the servant of the Lord; let it be to me according to your word.” And the angel departed from her.

I like specifics. When someone is telling me about a plan, I like to know EXACTLY what is going to happen. I like to be prepared as much a possible! So as I was reading this, some things struck me about this passage that I never really noticed before...

Mary says, "How can this be since I am a virgin?" 
And the angel says,“The Holy Spirit will come on you, and the power of the Most High will overshadow you therefore a child will be born..."


Now,  I am going to be honest here. If I was Mary, I think I would have been a little frustrated. I might have thought something like this, "That did not actually answer my question, and also, NONE OF THAT MAKES SENSE TO ME. I want to know HOW. Like, how exactly is this going to happen. Because, I may be young but I know how this stuff works and I mean, why me? How me? I don't understand. Give me the details Gabe! I want a step by step plan, complete with a diagram. In color. If you could send me the PDF version for future reference that would be great. Also, if you could give me a few ideas as to how to approach my fiance and parents concerning this particular miracle, that would be great because I am going to need that..." (though in the presence of an Angel I probably would not have said anything...) 

But Mary does not say that. Maybe she thought it, but somehow I doubt it. Mary was a woman of faith. Gabriel told her that nothing is impossible with God, and she didn't need to know the details. She looked at how He had provided a son for Elizabeth, all the things God had done in the past (See verses 46-55) and simply said,


“Behold, I am the servant of the Lord; let it be to me according to your word.”

This young girl has LITERALLY, the weight of the entire world dumped in her womb, and she just says, “Behold, I am the servant of the Lord; let it be to me according to your word.”


Oh that I would have that same faith, for nothing is impossible with God.

Freedom

My pastor (check out his blog here) has been sending those in our church these daily advent readings from John Piper. Thus far, they have been great! But I thought today's was especially good in light of what God has been teaching me lately. I hope you are as blessed as I was!

Wednesday, December 19

CHRISTMAS IS FOR FREEDOM

Since therefore the children share in flesh and blood, he himself likewise partook of the same things, that through death he might destroy the one who has the power of death, that is, the devil, and deliver all those who through fear of death were subject to lifelong slavery. —Hebrews 2:14–15

Jesus became man because what was needed was the death of a man who was more than man. The incarnation was God’s locking himself into death row.

Christ did not risk death. He embraced it. That is precisely why he came: not to be served, but to serve, and to give his life a ransom for many (Mark 10:45).

No wonder Satan tried to turn Jesus from the cross! The cross was Satan’s destruction. How did Jesus destroy him?

The “power of death” is the ability to make death fearful. The “power of death” is the power that holds men in bondage through fear of death. It is the power to keep men in sin, so that death comes as a horrid thing.

But Jesus stripped Satan of this power. He disarmed him. He molded a breastplate of righteousness for us that makes us immune to the devil’s condemnation.

By his death, Jesus wiped away all our sins. And a person without sin puts Satan out of business. His treason is aborted. His cosmic treachery is foiled. “His rage we can endure, for, lo, his doom is sure.” The cross has run him through. And he will gasp his last before long.

Christmas is for freedom. Freedom from the fear of death.

Jesus took our nature in Bethlehem, to die our death in Jerusalem, that we might be fearless in our city. Yes, fearless. Because if the biggest threat to my joy is gone, then why should I fret over the little ones? How can you say, “Well, I’m not afraid to die but I’m afraid to lose my job”? No. No. Think!

If death (I said, death—no pulse, cold, gone!)—if death is no longer a fear, we’re free, really free. Free to take any risk under the sun for Christ and for love. No more bondage to anxiety.

If the Son has set you free, you shall be free, indeed!

Struggle

DISCLAIMER: I am well aware that not everyone who reads my blog listens to the same music as me. And hey, that's totally okay. I personally think this song is beautiful, both musically and lyrically. However, if you don't like anything with drums in the background, you might just want to skip to what I write afterwards.

The Struggle by Tenth Avenue North

The verses talk about how many ways we screw up, which has been a recurring theme in my life as of late. I am so very sick of my humanity! I am sick of the many ways that I fail God everyday and it is so easy to dwell on that and live in a place for discouragement and frustration. 

But here is the reminder that I love, and needed in this song:

Hallelujah we are free to struggle,
We're not struggling to be free!
You're blood bought and makes us children
Children drop your chains and SING!


Yes, I screw up and I will struggle with my humanity for the rest of my earthly life. But I am free. I need to drop my chains and sing to the one who freed me, instead of still acting like I am in bondage.

Hallelujah, death is overcome and we are breathing.
Hallelujah, our stone hearts become flesh that's beating.
Hallelujah, chains have been undone and we are singing.
Hallelujah, the fire has begun, can you feel it?

Hallelujah! 

Do you trust me?

Do you know that part in "Aladdin" where he is standing on the magic carpet that is hovering over Jasmin's balcony holding his hand out to her and asking, "Do you trust me?" Now, if you ask me she gave in WAY too easily. As I always say, "Never trust a man on a flying carpet." but lately I feel like God is standing in this scary unknown place holding his hand out to me and saying, "Do you trust me?"

God has been asking me to do things lately that are WAY outside of my comfort zone... They are outside even the outside of my comfort zone. I was laying in bed yesterday morning hitting snooze and thinking about the things God wants me to do and I said,

"God, are you sure? You know my weaknesses, you know how much I STINK at what you are asking me to do. You know that it goes against everything that makes me, me! I seriously do not have the skills or personality or really, anything at all that would make me useful! What purpose could this possibly serve? Isn't there someone better, more qualified, more... not me?"

God doesn't have to answer me. He is God and His purposes are perfect whether I understand them or not. And frankly, I deserve to just be put in my place like Job because of my stupidity. He could have just said, "STOP QUESTIONING ME! I am God. I do what I want. Why are you being so self centered?" But he didn't.


Instead it was like God was saying ever so gently, "Megan, where is your identity found? Do you trust me? Will you follow me even if you don't understand?"

God talks significantly less than I do, but He always manages to say significantly more. It was like he was comforting me and challenging me all at the same time, and helping me realize the things I am constantly forgetting. I have always read the end of Job like God is kind of blasting Job, but I wonder now if he wasn't simply comforting and challenging Him the way He so often does to me? Anyway, this is what He reminded me.

My identity is found in Christ. I am not me, but Him in me... and He is perfect and has no weaknesses.

I am sure that there is someone out there who is FAR more qualified to do what God asks me to do, but that's not the point. It's not about me, not about what I have or do not have. It's not about what I learned in school or what my personality is. Following God has NOTHING TO DO WITH ME. God doesn't require a resume. God doesn't require a certain kind of person with a certain type of skill set or anything like that. I will follow Him even though I don't understand because He is my God. All he requires is a willing obedient heart.

If you look at the Bible, you'll realize that God has a habit of calling imperfect people to do His perfect will. He gets the most glory that way, and my life's purpose is ultimately to bring Him glory. So I obey, and I let Him work miracles in me and through me. 'Cause I have nothing to offer, and that is awesome.

Awesome God

I have nothing for consequence to say. But God does. This stuff is AWESOME.

Psalm 124:1-3a, 8
1 If it had not been the Lord who was on our side—
    let Israel now say—
² if it had not been the Lord who was on our side
    when people rose up against us,
³ then they would have swallowed us up alive

⁸ Our help is in the name of the Lord,
    who made heaven and earth.

Psalm 125: 1-2

1 Those who trust in the Lord are like Mount Zion,
    which cannot be moved, but abides forever.
² As the mountains surround Jerusalem,
    so the Lord surrounds his people,
    from this time forth and forevermore.

Psalm 127

 1 Unless the Lord builds the house,
    those who build it labor in vain.
Unless the Lord watches over the city,
    the watchman stays awake in vain.
² It is in vain that you rise up early
    and go late to rest,
eating the bread of anxious toil;
    for he gives to his beloved sleep.

³ Behold, children are a heritage from the Lord,
    the fruit of the womb a reward.
⁴ Like arrows in the hand of a warrior
    are the children of one's youth.
⁵ Blessed is the man
    who fills his quiver with them!
He shall not be put to shame
    when he speaks with his enemies in the gate.

I pray you are as blessed by these verses as I was today. 

 

Oh the Humanity

Are you ever just sick of your humanity? Lately, it seems like every day I become increasingly more aware of my stupid flesh, and infinitely more aware of my need for grace. I am so sick of messing stuff up and sinning against God. Even those tiny, negative thoughts that creep in every once in a while are a stench in the nostrils of God and some days it feels like I will never be free from the constant spirit v. flesh battle that goes on inside of me.

You know, I used to read stories about the Israelites and think, "Idiots, why have you forgotten all the INCREDIBLE things God has done for you? How can you turn away so quickly after He has blessed you so much! You are his chosen people!" And yet, because He saved my by grace through faith, I too am one of His chosen people.


Today when I read Psalm 106, I had a little bit of a different take on the Israelites' story. It talks all about the things the Israelites did, and the times they turned away from God and I realized something. The stories about the Israelites and their various screw ups are much less about them, and much more about the steadfast love and mercy of God. Verses 43-45 say,  

⁴³ Many times he delivered them,
    but they were rebellious in their purposes
    and were brought low through their iniquity.  
⁴⁴ Nevertheless, he looked upon their distress,
    when he heard their cry.
⁴⁵ For their sake he remembered his covenant,
    and relented according to the abundance of his steadfast love.

They didn't deserve it, heck sometimes they didn't even appreciate it. But God showed them mercy anyway because of HIS character. So, why does God save us when He knows that we will still screw up? Check out verse 47;

⁴⁷ Save us, O Lord our God,
    and gather us from among the nations,
that we may give thanks to your holy name
    and glory in your praise.

He saves us so that we will give him thanks and glory. So instead of wallowing in my humanity, instead of beating myself up for being such a screw up, I will give praise and glory to God because my salvation has NOTHING to do with me and everything to do with His incredible character. And that my friends, is a blessing. So,

 

⁴⁸ Blessed be the Lord, the God of Israel,
    from everlasting to everlasting!
And let all the people say, “Amen!”
    Praise the Lord!

Kids of the Future

I heard someone say that this next generation (the generation after me) will be the first generation to have INSTANT access to what their parents were like as kids.

Say what you want about technology, but that is pretty cool.

And terrifying.

Think about it... our future kids, nieces, nephews, or students will have access to everything we have posted online. I don't know if God will choose to bless me with kids, but if he does they will be able to look back at this very blog and read everything I wrote. My future students, the kids in my future youth group, my nieces and nephews... they will all be able to go on the internet and google me, then see this post. The one I am writing right now. (Hi guys! I love you!) ((yes, your Aunt Megan has always been awkward and embarrassing...))

That's really neat to me. And again, really scary.

Believe it or not, the Bible has something to say about this. I have heard so many ignorant people say, "The Bible is not relevant today." I even heard one girl add to that once, "I mean, like, it doesn't even talk about computers or cell phones or anything..." (it made me twitch). But as I read this verse in Psalms today, I thought, "God knew that one day, the majority of people would have a completely public life on the internet."

Psalm 102:18 says this, "Let this be recorded for a generation to come, so that a people yet to be created may praise the Lord!" 

I realized something as I read that. Yes, my blog is something to help keep people updated about my life as I am away. I want my blog to be used by God in people's lives now as an encouragement, and even, if God so chooses, a way to bring people to Him. But this blog is more than that. It is a record for generations to come, so that people YET TO BE CREATED may praise the LORD. 

Whoa.
 
That's some pretty intense pressure. 


The world tells you all the time, "It doesn't matter what people think of you!" and God echo's this as well, but he has a bit of a different take. When the world says it, it is to encourage people to be themselves and not to be like everyone else. Don't let others decide who you are, etc. When God says it, it sounds more like this.

"It doesn't matter what other people think of you, in fact, they shouldn't even be thinking of you at all. It matters what people think of ME because of you."

I want my words to point to Christ, so that you, and future generations that have yet to be created may praise the LORD. God has given us an incredible tool called the internet that can either be used to point to Him, or point to ourselves. 100 years from now, the words we have said will probably be forgotten, but the words we write can be read forever. That's not a free pass to say whatever you want to say, because what we say has an impact on your testimony here and now, but what you write or post on the internet will be a testimony to future generations.

How are you going to choose to use that tool? How does what you say on the internet reflect what is in your heart, compare to the way you live your life, and reflect the God whom you serve?

Let the words that I write, the thoughts that I have and the things that I say be an overflow of the abundant grace God has given me and an arrow pointing everyone God puts in my path, now and forever, to the incredible God whom I serve.

Breathing In and Out

 1 Oh come, let us sing to the Lord;
    let us make a joyful noise to the rock of our salvation!
² Let us come into his presence with thanksgiving;
    let us make a joyful noise to him with songs of praise!
³ For the Lord is a great God,
    and a great King above all gods.
⁴ In his hand are the depths of the earth;
    the heights of the mountains are his also.
⁵ The sea is his, for he made it,
    and his hands formed the dry land.

⁶ Oh come, let us worship and bow down;
    let us kneel before the Lord, our Maker!
⁷ For he is our God,
    and we are the people of his pasture,
    and the sheep of his hand.

                 Psalm 95:1-7

Sometimes I have a really bad attitude. I mean REALLY bad attitude. Sometimes I am such a grouch and I say the most horrible and complaining things in my head, and then I get mad at myself for being such a selfish brat and then I am in a worse mood. All of this happens in my head usually, because I try not to be a grouch to other people... but sometimes I seriously have the most grouchy and sarcastic thoughts in the world.

Last night was one of those nights. I was just in a bad mood. I don't know why, I really had no reason to be. I was just being a terrible grouch, and for one millisecond, I was content to be in that horrible mood.

At that moment I was talking to a friend who said to me (not knowing my innermost thoughts...)"I am choosing to be thankful today... because God gave me the whole day to breathe in and out."


And then, as if that wasn't already a slap across the face God said, "Hey, remember that Psalm you read this morning (Psalm 95)? The one that you underlined and then wrote out in your journal about being thankful to me and singing praises to me? And then you asked me to help make that your heart's attitude? How's that working out?"

Ouch.

No seriously, it hurt. It's like being punched in the gut and knowing you completely deserve it, so your heart hurts AND your stomach hurts.

It stinks being convicted of sin, especially the sin of having a bad attitude. If you have never had that particular conviction, let me just tell you that it is not the kind of feeling that typically makes your attitude better. But it is a joy to be convicted of sin, because then you can bask in forgiveness and the restoration of the relationship. 

So I confessed, and I started thanking God for his blessings in my life. I started by thanking God for the whole day to breath in and out. It seemed logical since God had clearly used that as my wake up call. Then I thanked him for taking care of me. For the wonderful family I am living with, and for taking such good care of little Elliot. For being with the kids and the whole Niles family as they take care of the baby. For blessing me with an awesome family and a group of friends at home that love me. For being with me always and never forsaking me (even thought I completely deserve it). For forgiveness, and patience, and love, and conviction of sins. I started singing praises to God as I sat on my bed sewing an advent calendar and counting my blessings. It was a really, REALLY sweet and wonderful time. 

Everything I have comes from God. I don't deserve any of it. As long as God keeps giving me days to breathe in and out, I will use those breaths to give Him glory.

Promises and Hope

Hebrews 6:13-20

¹³ For when God made a promise to Abraham, since he had no one greater by whom to swear, he swore by himself, ¹⁴ saying, “Surely I will bless you and multiply you.” ¹⁵ And thus Abraham, having patiently waited, obtained the promise. ¹⁶ For people swear by something greater than themselves, and in all their disputes an oath is final for confirmation. ¹⁷ So when God desired to show more convincingly to the heirs of the promise the unchangeable character of his purpose, he guaranteed it with an oath, ¹⁸ so that by two unchangeable things, in which it is impossible for God to lie, we who have fled for refuge might have strong encouragement to hold fast to the hope set before us. ¹⁹ We have this as a sure and steadfast anchor of the soul, a hope that enters into the inner place behind the curtain, ²⁰ where Jesus has gone as a forerunner on our behalf, having become a high priest forever after the order of Melchizedek.

There are so many amazing things God showed me about this passage this morning, and it is a passage that already had a bunch of underlines and notes in the margins.  I thought I'd share a couple with you if you are willing. If not, please exit the browser immediately. Thank you. 

We can trust and hope in God's promises. Why? Because He is God. His very character and nature is what we can hope in. God cannot tell a lie, and there is none greater than Himself. So when he makes a promise, He is saying, "I promise this to you because I am God and this is what I want to do. I cannot tell a lie and I promise it by my name, which is far greater than anything you could ever swear by. So it will happen, it is true. Because I said so." (God's the only one who can really say "because I said so" and never have anyone dispute it. It is an automatic argument win, not that he needs one...)

Have you ever heard someone say, "Don't put all your eggs on one basket"? That's bologna. Put your eggs in God's basket. We can have a SURE and STEADFAST hope in God, because He is God! We don't have to put our eggs in any other basket. We have a strong encouragement to hold fast to his hope because He promises on his name that He will never fail us, and he doesn't lie. 

Sin makes people lie. Satan uses people's sinful nature to convince other people that God's character is the same as human character, and that God will drop our eggs if we put them all in his basket. God's character is not like human character because He is sinless. We can hope in him; with all our eggs.

Now, if you are like me, you are probably thinking, "Why does God want to keep his promises to me, the horrible, wretched sinner that I am?" Good question! The answer? It has nothing to do with you or me. In fact, his promises are not even for those who are estranged from him because of sin. Sin creates a wall between us and God, breaking the relationship. Therefore, if we have a broken relationship with God, His promises are not for us.

This is horrible news. BUT WAIT! It's not over. Jesus died on the cross to take the punishment for our sins and restore the relationship between us and God. Jesus acts as the mediator between us and God because we can't go to God with the sinful hearts we have. That's what verses 19-20 are saying. We needed someone to pay the price, thereby making us righteous and able to come before God. He restores the relationship between us and God, and then all of God's promises become ours to hope in.  Does that make sense? Let me see if I can break it down.

Without Jesus, there is no hope. We have no relationship with God, and therefore his promises are not intended for us. 

With Jesus, we can hold fast to God's promises because Jesus restores the relationship between us and God, and then His promises are for us. 

God has made so many incredible promises to His children. Right now, I am clinging to the promises that God has a plan for my future, and it is an amazing one. I am clinging to the promise that He will never leave me or forsake me, even when I screw up. I am clinging to so many of the amazing promises He makes to me and I am praising God that His promise keeping has nothing, NOTHING to do with me.

Understanding

So far in my life, I have no found a feeling that compares to the one I feel when I watch a kid learning to read. They look on their face when they realize that they just read a book for the first time (cold read, never seen the book before) completely on their own.

They work so hard to learn sight words, words like "a, and, the, and it" that we use in everyday sentences and we don't even think about it. They practice and they struggle to remember what they are, their poor little brains are flooded with these little words that make no sense on their own. Then you string a few together in the silly little books that have no literary basis whatsoever, and voila! We have a reader.

"I see a cat. I see a dog. I see a fish. I see a frog."

But they read it. All on their own. Suddenly those words have meaning and structure. They know why they have been practicing those words. Yes, they have been told that this will happen one day, but they were beginning to think you made it up. They can read! And they know it!

Today was that day for one of the kids. He could read a book. Two actually. His joy was intense, and so was mine. He ran around so excited, reading the book to his family, who were also very excited, and I just thanked God for being privileged enough to experience that moment.

I think as adults we forget that learning to read was a process. Maybe you still struggle to read, and so you are reminded daily that it is a process, but I have been reading so long that I sometimes forget what it took.

As adults we go through life, and we struggle with little things. Sometimes it feels like we struggle with the same things every day. Day after day I find myself saying to God, "WHY haven't I learned this yet? Why do I still struggle with this? Why is it so hard for me to learn?"

1 Corinthians 13 is a famous passage, but the last few verses have always been more interesting to me than the ones about love. Verses 9-12 say this:

"For we know in part and we prophesy in part, but when the perfect comes, the partial will pass away. When I was a child, I spoke like a child, I thought like a child, I reasoned like a child. When I became a man, I gave up childish ways. For now we see in a mirror dimly, but then face to face. Now I know in part; then I shall know fully, even as I have been fully known."

God promises that one day I will have my Ah Ha! moment. One day I will have full understanding. As a person who gets so excited by even the littlest ah ha moments for kids, I can't imagine how amazing that Ah Ha moment will be when we finally have full understanding. I look forward to that day, and press on though the hard days of learning, knowing that one day, I will understand.  
 

Timing

Have you ever felt like you are drowning in life?  I have. That horrible feeling of life caving in around you, a million bad things swarm around you, satan whispers lies in your head and it just seems like you are never going to be able to come up for air. It feels like this horrible weight pulling you down with no hope for escape. I am not feeling that way right now, but I know that there have been times when life just seems like it's too much. It's too hard to keep treading water, too hard to keep your head up and fight.

David felt that way too, and if anyone had a reason to be overwhelmed, it was David. At various times in his life he was being chased and hunted. I think many times when we tell the story of David we skip right from little Davey killing Goliath to David being king, and forget that he was on the run for most of his life in between that. What I love about the Psalms is that they really show the internal thoughts of David in a way that you don't get to see with many of the other people in the Bible. David spends a lot of time telling us, and God, how he feels, and it's not always pretty.

I read Psalm 69 today and the first few verses say this:
1 Save me, O God!
    For the waters have come up to my neck.
² I sink in deep mire,
    where there is no foothold;
I have come into deep waters,
    and the flood sweeps over me.
³ I am weary with my crying out;
    my throat is parched.
My eyes grow dim
    with waiting for my God.

He goes on to say that his enemies are getting the best of him and it is really frustrating. His enemies are pursuing him because of his zeal for the Lord and he is just about done with all of this nonsense. 

Then in verse 13 he says something incredible:

But as for me, my prayer is to you, O LORD. At an acceptable time, O God, in the abundance of your steadfast love answer me in your saving faithfulness.

Even in the midst of this horrible feeling of drowning, He trust's in God's timing. He knows that he is praying to the Sovereign Lord, who has the right, wisdom and power to do WHATEVER he wants to David, and this His timing is absolutely perfect.

This was convicting to me, because I don;t always pray like that. I get so consumed with worry about the future, about what is going to happen when, that I fail to see the Sovereignty of God in all things.

In his book, Finally Alive: What Happens When we are Born Again? John Piper says,  “My feelings are not God. God is God. My feelings do not define truth. God’s word defines truth. My feelings are echoes and responses to what my mind perceives. And sometimes - many times - my feelings are out of sync with the truth. When that happens - and it happens every day in some measure - I try not to bend the truth to justify my imperfect feelings, but rather, I plead with God: Purify my perceptions of your truth and transform my feelings so that they are in sync with the truth.”


David didn't let his feeling of drowning change his perception of God's sovereignty. He knew that above all else, God's timing is perfect. He didn't bend truth to justify his feelings. My prayer is that when confronted with those very feelings, I will trust in the sovereignty and greatness of God, and not in what my feelings tell me is truth.

Weakness

I was home alone this morning and the phone rang. Normally I would just let it go as my conversation skills are severely limited, but I knew we were expecting a call. I walked over the the phone, secretly hoping that it would stop ringing, but it didn't.

"God please please please please please let this be someone who speaks English!!!" I begged aloud.

I took a deep breath, practicing "Allo, pardon, parlez vous anglais?" over and over in my head.My stomach was seriously turning knowing that if it was someone who was speaking French really fast, I was going to have to be rude and interrupt, beg them to speak English and hope they understood me!

"Allo?" I said in a voice that totally betrayed my lack of confidence.

"Hi, Megan?" It was someone I knew. PRAISE THE LORD!

See, right now language is a weakness for me, and I hate being weak. I hate not knowing things, and I hate not being able to do things.

I have always been good at talking, ask anyone who knows me even a little bit. Conversations have never been my weakness (though perhaps talking too much is a weakness). But here, the thing I was once strong at, I am weak at, and it's terrible! I can't even answer the phone! 

But he said to me, “My grace is sufficient for you, for my power is made perfect in weakness.” Therefore I will boast all the more gladly of my weaknesses, so that the power of Christ may rest upon me. (2 Corinthians 12:9)

Hmmm. See, God delights in our weakness. Why you ask? Because in our weakness He gets the glory. When we realize we can do nothing, when we realize we are weak and powerless, His grace and power picks us up and HE gets the glory that HE deserves! When we are weak, then we are made strong.

When I am weak in conversation, I need to rely on Him for even the littlest things, like answering the phone. His power is made perfect in my weakness because when I realize that I don't know anything and I can't communicate without His help, He gives me the strength to try, and sometimes the strength and wisdom to say things that I didn't know I knew.

When I am weak, He is strong. When I am nothing, He is everything. Therefore, I will be thankful for my weakness, and I will boast in Him.

Hungry I come to You

Have you ever sat in a church where you literally understand nothing? You want so badly to hear and learn, and yet you don't know what the people are saying at all. You have picked up a few words, enough to know when someone is praying, or when you should stand and sing, but as the message begins you feel a heaviness inside you. You have to cheat off the guy sitting next to you just to know where in the Bible the pastor is preaching from. You strain to hear just one word, any word that you understand so that you can learn and grow. It's an intense need that is hard to describe. The need to hear, understand, learn and grow.

Welcome to church in another culture. I love church. I love to learn and hear from God. I love that feeling of rejuvenation that comes every Sunday. The way all the voices melt together in praise and worship to our Savior is incredible. Church for me is a small glimpse of what eternity will be and I look forward to that glimpse every week.

There have been days in my church at home where I feel like I comprehended very little of what my pastor said, I mean, he is a smart guy, and I am not so smart. But never in my life have I felt so completely lost and I did today.

As I sat in church today, straining to hear just one word that I understood, begging God to reveal himself to me even amidst the language barrier, God really convicted me of something.

When, in my life have I ever truly hungered for Christ like this? When have I ever had this unending need to meet with the Holy Spirit, this need to understand something, or anything of what is being taught so I can grow in Him?

Have I ever truly felt the need to BEG God to reveal himself to me? Have I ever felt so desperate for a morsel of His voice that I begged Him to work a miracle?

I have been reading psalms in my devotions, and I can't tell you the number of times the Psalmist says he Hungers and Thirsts after God.

Psalm 63:1 says, "O God, you are my God; earnestly I seek you, my soul thirsts for you; my flesh faints for you, as in a dry and weary land where there is no water."

 I didn't understand this kind of spiritual thirst until I was in a place where I couldn't have my thirst quenched the way Church always has. My time with God has been sweeter than ever before, but it made me realize that I have been taking God for granted. 

My challenge to you is this: Do you hunger and thirst after God? When you sit in church, or read you Bible do you so long to hear just one word from God? Does your heart ache for just a glimpse of your savior? I pray that, unlike me, it doesn't take a church in France to open your eyes to the marvelous intimacy we can have with our Creator. Search Him out, seek Him and you will find him, ask and you shall receive.

This song has never been so real to me in my life. 

Learning French

This is me. I am Joey. I hope you enjoy. 

(Thank you Lisa!)

Comprendez vous?

Some days are good. Some days are not so good. Today has been a not so good day. I don't know why, but it seems that today the painfully slow speed of language acquisition is getting to me. I practice, and I concentrate, and I try so hard... yet when people talk to me I give them this glazed over look, which is quickly followed by what I am sure is a look of terror and confusion. Even if I know what they said! Even if I know what to say back!

It's just that I try to focus so hard on what people are saying, hoping that I will catch a word or something that will give me a clue, that when people turn the conversation towards creeper Megan who has been staring intently at them (these are not strangers, just to be clear...I'm not THAT much of a creep) I can't actually process what they have said.

And it is frustrating.

Some day's it's not so bad. Some days I can remind myself that I have been here less than two weeks and it will get easier. Some days I can remind myself that learning a language is a process and trying is what matters most.

Days like today, when I practice something to say to someone for 20 minutes in my head and then it STILL comes out wrong... days like today I feel discouraged and I want to quit trying.

I want to say, "I am only here for a short time, and then I have to learn another new language, so why bother."

I want to say, "I am only here to teach the kids, so I don't need to form relationships with other people."

But in that moment of despair, God says to me, "I alone know the plans I have for you. You have no idea what my purpose for you in France is other than to bring Glory to MY name and proclaim it wherever I place you. You will learn the language because you want to be able to tell the people you meet about MY greatness and MY worth."

It's a comfort to be reminded that none of this is about me. Yes, this experience will grow me in ways I cannot imagine, but my purpose on earth, wherever on earth I happen to be, is about God and His name.

Psalm 50:15 says "And call upon me in the day of trouble; I will deliver you, and you shall glorify me."

THAT is the purpose of my salvation and my very life; to glorify Him. Right now, that includes learning the language, even when I feel I am a hopeless cause. Learning the language allows me to connect with people, to form relationships, and to share the awesomeness of the God who saved me. I am NOTHING without Him, I have NO PURPOSE apart from His purposes for me.

The End.

Ranting.

Do you ever do something that you pretty much instantly regret? For me it's ranting or complaining. There is never a reason to complain, and ranting NEVER makes me feel better. Yet, I do it anyway. Something irritates or frustrates me and instead of dealing with it appropriately I explode. I don't even explode to something like a journal, usually, I just explode to a random person.
Again, NEVER HELPFUL.

So I did that today. My computer was doing something crazy and I couldn't figure it out. Do I calmly walk away from the computer and give myself distance from the situation so that I can think rationally? OF COURSE NOT! I typed a furious message in all capitals to the last person I talked to on skype, then shut my computer down and walked away. 'Cause that is totally the mature and rational thing to do.

I spent all day teaching problem solving skills, and yet, I seem to have none.

All day I said things like, "Instead of getting frustrated or upset, what could we do instead?" and "Instead of crying about it, why don't we take a deep breath and see if we can find a solution?"

And then, at the slightest bit of annoyance, I rant. Productive right? I'm a total hypocrite, and my humanity annoys me.

So I sat down and got my Bible out. I've been reading Psalms. Sometimes I really feel like I relate to David. It gives me comfort to know that he sometimes screws up and has human responses to situations. He's so genuine and it is encouraging. So anyway, I read Psalm 45, and the last verse in that chapter says this:

"I will cause your name to be remembered in all generations;
    therefore nations will praise you forever and ever."

What is my purpose in ranting? My purpose in everything I say and do should be to cause God's name to be remembered for all generations. I have to admit that I don't always filter what I say by that standard. My frustration will pass, the small things that irritate of frustrate me will be resolved eventually. But the things I say can never be taken back. I realize that this is just a small example, I mean I didn't say anything really horrible, but God gently reminded me that I cannot proclaim His name with the same lips that complain about ridiculous things. 

Life isn't always pretty. I am going to say stuff I regret, but I feel like God gave me a little glimpse of the feeling Isaiah had when he was standing before the throne of God and saying “Woe is me! For I am lost; for I am a man of unclean lips... for my eyes have seen the King, the LORD of hosts!” (Isaiah 6:5)

No Turning Back

I have decided to follow Jesus. No turning back, no turning back.

I remember singing that song in Sunday School, and learning the story of Lot's wife, who looked back at the sinful towns of Sodom and Gomorrah with longing, then turned into a pillar of salt. I remember thinking "I won't turn back like she did! I will always follow Jesus!"

But I realized something in the last week. I though that looking back with longing to a life without Christ is what gets people into trouble, but it's not just that. Sometimes following Christ means leaving the things you love, and they might be great things, but He commands up to press on and look forward.

Proverbs 4:25-26 says, "Let your eyes look directly FORWARD, and your gaze be STRAIGHT before you. Ponder the path of your feet; then all of your ways will be sure."

God is leading me in the path He has planned for me, a path that will bring me pleasure, and Him immeasurable glory and honor (Psalm 16:11, Psalm 23:3).

I know this, and yet sometimes I look back. I look back to my family and friends, to mu church and the fellowship I love and am comfortable with. I look back to things that are good, but to things that are not straight ahead, directly in the path God is leading me on now. If I look back, I am going to run into a wall. And it is going to hurt.

God promises to show is the way we should go. He says, "I will instruct you and teach you in the way you should go; I will counsel you with my eye upon you. Be not like a horse or a mule, without understanding, which must be curbed with bit and bridle, or it will not stay near to you" (Psalm 32:8-9).

God will show us the path He wants us to take when we daily surrender every aspect of our lives; our families, our loved ones, our routines that make us so comfortable, our wishes and desires, and even our very lives. If we look backwards like a horse without a bridle, we will walk backwards, stumble, fall and get hurt in the process. If we surrender our lives and our ideas for the path we should take to Him, and fix our gaze on the author and perfecter of our faith, we will have a peace that passes understanding, even when things seem bleak.

Dear 7 people who read my blog...

Dear 7 people who read my blog,
         Since my last letter, the number has increased by 4... WOO HOO!!! Please take a moment to read the blog of one of my friends, and maybe pass it on to someone else.

Cami's Blog: simply HIS.

Then pray for Cami (and Miriam, another girl with her) as they seek to love like Christ.

Love,
me

History

Have you ever been struck by the fact that the places we walk have been walked on by people for hundreds of years (at least!)? Walking through Letchworth State Park always seems to remind me of that. My overactive imagination kicks into high gear as I picture Native Americans walking through the forests, fathers and sons working side by side to build the walls and steps during the Great Depression, and the countless other people who have walked the same trails we walk in the park. It always astounds me how the people and the times are always changing, but some places in the world seem to be frozen in time. Certain places give you a glimpse of the past in a way no history textbook could ever come close to doing.

Friday, I was blessed enough to go to one of those places.

Old Town Annecy is like a place right off of a post card, but pictures cannot do it justice. I will try to give you a glimpse though...

Every Friday there is a market down the narrow streets of Old Annecy.  You can buy flowers, fruit, veggies, cheese, candies, and even meat fresh from the vendors and you can sample just about everything. Picture your local farmers market, multiply times a bajillion, then add two. It's huge... and wonderful.

 I really like French cheese.

Hundred year old shops, houses and buildings line the cobblestone streets. 

Did I mention there is a Canal that runs along the streets?

 

The canal splits down the middle and goes around an old prison. I don't think I would mind being locked up here...

 

The canal opens up to a beautiful lake with the mountains in the background. 

I guess the thing I like about walking in places like this is thinking about the lives of the people who have walked there years ago. It reminds me that nothing is eternal. The houses and streets have changed over time (though in some places it doesn't look like it), and the people are long gone. The life that they lived may not even be remembered, but their souls are living for all of eternity in either heaven or hell. This world is not my home, heaven is. I want my life on earth to be spent praising and glorifying my creator, and I want my eternity to be spent the same way. God created this beautiful earth for his own glory. Praise God for the marvelous things He has done!

 

Mountians and Ant Hills

Mom and I went to Pennsylvania  a few weeks back and we drove through the Appalachian  Mountains. (see picture to the right). I was so excited. I have always liked mountains. I mean, to look at of course. I can't say I have ever sincerely desired to climb one... but still they are beautiful.

 
Well now I am in France and I am very close to the French Alps. I look back at my pictures of the Appalachian mountains and I am slightly less enthused. Let's face it, you would be too if you got to see <- that every day. The stunning view of the mountains is all around here. You can't look anywhere and not see something huge and beautiful. The Appalachian mountains are still big, and they are still beautiful, but I cannot look at them the same way because I have seen the Alps.

I heard someone once say that "When your problems seem too big, you view of God is too small." Often I look at the little foothills of life and think they are so big. It's like being in the Appalachian mountains and thinking they are the biggest mountains in the world.  I can't see over them and I just feel so overwhelmed and hopeless. Even traveling here, and later to Madagascar, it all seems so huge, so scary, so impossible.




Yet standing in constant view of these mountains gives me just a little glimpse of how great and glorious our God is. He is huge! He makes the foothills seem like ant hills in view of His greatness! When you glimpse the stunning beauty and power of God, you can't look at you problems the same way. They might still be big, but God is so much bigger, there isn't even a comparison. I trust in a God that MOVES mountains with just the slightest word. In light of a God that can do all things by the power of His word ALONE, I cannot see my problems in the same light.

The grace of God changes us; it changes our perspective on everything. It colors our world. Sin still comes in and makes mountains out of mole hills, but when we see God for who He is, we cannot help but have our perspective changed. It brings the focus off ourselves and puts it on the one who deserves it. How Great, HOW GREAT, Is our God!

Bonjour!

 Well friends, I am in France. It's pretty much awesome. It would be way cooler if I didn't continually make a fool of myself by saying Spanish words instead of French ones, but hey, I'm working on it. I have a deal with the little ones: They teach me French, I teach them sign language. It's working quite nicely. My 5 year old teacher says I have a nice French "r" (which coincidentally sounds like a very rude American noise...)



ANYWAY-- The first few days were hard. Leaving my family was not fun but as I went through security I just chose to trust God and He gave me a peace that was like nothing I can explain. It wasn't an "everything is going to work out" peace, or even a "God is with me all the time" peace. It was more like I trust God because He is great. He is taking me to the places he takes me to magnify and glorify His name. That's my purpose and it is my joy. So I had peace.



My attitude faltered a little in the Paris airport. It is seriously the most convoluted airport in the universe and I never want to go back there again. Too bad we go back in three months... I discovered something about myself though. The airport in Lyon wasn't much better. I found my way to the baggage claim, but I needed a Euro to get a cart. Fail. I asked a million people where I could exchange money, and everyone said "I don't speak English!" So my bags were coming off and I was scrambling to get those, one of my wheels broke and I was SOOOO very done. Even in my bad attitude, God was gracious. I asked a lady in an official looking uniform and she gave me a token. I thanked her and went to get a cart. It got stuck. There I am, yanking on the cart, running to get my luggage off the belt, trying to watch my other bags and basically almost in tears. The awesome lady took pity on me once again and helped me get the cart out. I'm certain she is an angel of some sort.



I have never been so happy in my life to see two people and I was to see Marc and Stacy. I almost cried. After they picked me up, we began the drive up to Le Balme de Sillingy. The Niles familt has been so incredibly welcoming! The kids are adorable and I have been having so much fun with them. We started a little bit of schooling today an we went on some walks. France is truly a beautiful place. There will be more pictures to come, but for now I bid you bon nuit!

Prayer Requests

As I head out today, I have a few specific prayer requests:

1) Please pray that I would continually walk in the path of Grace. There is no better place to be than in God's will.

2) Pray that I can be a blessing to the people God puts in my path and that I will be used by Him daily to accomplish His purpose for me.

3) Pray for safe travels, I will leave our house at around 2:30 today, I fly out at 5:05 and I get to my final destination (flight wise at least) at 2:30 tomorrow, which is like, 8:30 our time. I think. (I should really get a better handle on this time difference stuff...)

4) Finally, pray for a comforted heart. Saying goodbye is hard, and I ask you to pray not only for me, but also for my family.

Thanks everyone! 

Thoughts as I head out...

Psalm 29

1 Ascribe to the Lord, O heavenly beings,
    ascribe to the Lord glory and strength.
² Ascribe to the Lord the glory due his name;
    worship the Lord in the splendor of holiness.

³ The voice of the Lord is over the waters;
    the God of glory thunders,
    the Lord, over many waters.
⁴ The voice of the Lord is powerful;
    the voice of the Lord is full of majesty.

⁵ The voice of the Lord breaks the cedars;
    the Lord breaks the cedars of Lebanon.
⁶ He makes Lebanon to skip like a calf,
    and Sirion like a young wild ox.

⁷ The voice of the Lord flashes forth flames of fire.
⁸ The voice of the Lord shakes the wilderness;
    the Lord shakes the wilderness of Kadesh.

⁹ The voice of the Lord makes the deer give birth
    and strips the forests bare,
    and in his temple all cry, “Glory!”

¹⁰ The Lord sits enthroned over the flood;
    the Lord sits enthroned as king forever.
¹¹ May the Lord give strength to his people!
    May the Lord bless his people with peace!

This incredible God is the God I serve. He is mighty in word and in deed. I will follow Him to the ends of the earth with JOY because I trust Him with my whole life. He takes care of the birds of the field, and He will take care of me. He alone is my rock and my refuge, He is my portion, He is my everything. 

I serve a mighty God!

Firewall

I am not computer savvy. Not at all actually. I mean, if someone shows me how to so something I can, but I have a very limited arsenal of things I know how to do when it comes to computers. I can create documents, but at two in the morning when they disappear into the abyss, my only option is to rewrite them before they are due because I have no clue how to find them. That said, it is computer thoughts that keep me awake at 4 in the morning. Hold on to your hats ladies and gentlemen, Megan Parfitt is about to get techy.

When I was a junior in college I got a new computer. I was so excited. It was sleek and beautiful. Like I said, I don't know much about computers but it was pretty and it worked better than my other one so WIN! It had window's 7 and it was AWESOME!

Shortly after I got it, I started getting these messages on it that said "WARNING: Your computer is not protected." I ignored them. What could computer's possibly need to be protected from?

Then I got a virus. All these things started popping up that I DID NOT download. My computer was possessed.

So I took it to the campus Tech Help Desk. They are wonderful techy's there and they fixed my computer up. They installed a firewall... to protect it from fire... or something... =P

So everything was fine and dandy until I got another message on my computer. That firewall was keeping me from doing something I wanted to do.
There were two options at the bottom of the screen.
1) abandon the task(recommended) 
2) disable the firewall

"I don't really NEED a firewall," I thought to myself. "And besides, I will just turn it off for now and then when I am done I will turn it back on..."

This went on for a little while, and before long, it was just easier to leave the fire wall off. The warning signs came back, but I ignored them.

So in the middle of the night, I am hyped up on coffee and finishing a paper that is due in three hours soon and suddenly my computer is overrun with messages. They look a little different than the last ones, but all these warnings keep popping up and I can't make them stop. It's funny though, these weren't actual warnings. These were another virus disguised as helpful messages, and by clicking on them I downloaded a virus myself... MUCH worse than the last one. I lost my saved work, my computer was completely incapacitated and I still had a paper due.

Here's where I am going with this. Ephesians 6 talks about the armor of God, and that is an amazing analogy of how and why we need to clothe ourselves in Christ, but sometimes I think that it is hard for us to see that practically. We think like our fight is against flesh and blood, and even though Ephesians 6:12 tells us explicitly that our struggle is NOT against flesh and blood, our human minds struggle to grasp that concept. I sometimes catch myself thinking "I don't need this shield, I have no enemies attacking me right now. No one is coming at me with fiery darts that need to be quenched, I will just put down my shield (or my firewall) for a while.

Oh what a wretch I am that I don't take God at his word and use the tools He has given me! Just like I failed to use the firewall that people smarter than I said was important, I sometimes fail to put up my shield, or any other part of my armor for that matter, because it might keep me from doing something I want to do. It is too heavy or too cumbersome. I don't even really know what my reasons are at this point but I know that when I lay down my shield, when I disable my firewall, the invisible things creep in disguised as something innocent and attack me in the very spots I am most vulnerable.

1 Peter 5:8 says "Be alert and of sober mind. Your enemy the devil prowls around like a roaring lion looking for someone to devour."

Roaring lions are not very effective hunters. In fact, male lions don't hunt at all. Satan is walking around roaring, distracting us like the faux warning signs distracted me, so that he can sneak something else in to pounce.

We do not wrestle against flesh and blood. It's not the obvious stuff we fight with. For me right now it is the distractions of packing, saying goodbye, getting things done. I am so "busy" preparing to do what I believe God is telling me to do that I neglect to "put on Christ". I put down my firewall because I have things to do.

The beauty of it all is that God's grace and mercy are sufficient. He gives us the forgiveness and redemption we don't deserve, and He spares me from the wrath and curse I do deserve. Oh what a mighty amazing God we serve that He forgives us even when we fail to listen to His wise counsel and after repentance, He restores our firewall and our protection.

Falling, Failing and Focus

Well Ladies and Gentlemen,

Two weeks from today I hop on a plane to France. Though, I doubt I will do any real hopping because I am indeed a klutz. My sister broke her foot hopping once, and I am far less agile than her, so I have sworn off hopping.

Walking however, cannot be avoided. And let me tell you friends, I do not even do that well. =) See, God used walking, and falling this week to teach me a lesson. I was walking across a street and went to step on a curb and I missed. I had taken my eyes off what I was doing. I was distracted and I hit the ground; hard.

My knee was all scraped up and bleeding, and I felt like I was five and had just fallen off my bike for the first time. Yes, my knee hurts, and I have a lovely brush burn covering about half of my shin and my knee, but it was mostly my pride that hurt. It was dumb! I have been walking for 22 years, shouldn't I have the hang of it by now?!?! Sheesh!

God reminded me of something though. Falling is inevitable. Not just because I am a klutz, but because I am a sinner. When I get distracted from Christ, I trip in my walk. Sometimes I just trip a little and it reminds me to keep my eyes on Him, and sometimes I fall hard. Sometimes it hurts. The thing I need to remember is that everyone falls, it's what we do after that matters.

If I focus on my pain, my focus is not on Christ.

If I focus on the scar, my focus is not Christ.

If I focus on the fact that I did in fact fall, my focus is not on Christ.

See the point here? Fall are going to happen. I am going to fail (and boy do I HATE failing...) but falling and failing happens for a reason. It reminds me of where my focus should be. God is not going to leave me on the ground if I return my focus to Him. He is not going to point and laugh at me, and tell me to pull myself up by my bootstraps. The reality is, I cannot get up on my own lest I fell right back down. When I look to my Heavenly Father, he will lift me up and walk along side me, forgiving me for my stupidity. All I need to do is swallow my pride and ask.

It doesn't matter how many times I fall, God's grace is sufficient. He has never denied me grace, and he never will. I just need to humble myself and keep my focus on Him and Him alone. 

The Thing About Being a Youth Leader...

This post has absolutely nothing to do with Madagascar. Nor does it have anything to do with France. It's all about my thoughts as a youth leader.

I was never very cool in school. I'm not very cool now but for some reason, I have tricked some teens into thinking I am. Not all of them mind you, some still look at me like I have grown two heads, but I have found a place in the hearts of some of the youth in my church, even if they will never admit how much they love me.

I did, however, do something horrific tonight. I can barely even handle the though of the youth leader blunder I made. I hope, that by posting this blog I can keep you other youth leaders out there from making the same mistake. *sigh* 

One of the girls in my youth group who I happen to adore (I adore all of them, I just really like playing with people's hair and she lets me... so win...) came to get her hair done for the Homecoming dance tonight. It wasn't that long ago that I was getting ready for dances and I know what a big deal this stuff is. I never liked the dances themselves mind you, but I loved getting dressed up! And that is exactly how this girl was feeling.

I know what it's like to know that how you look isn't everything, but also know that you will walk into a room and every girl will be critiquing what you are wearing. HEAVEN FORBID you wear the same dress as someone else. If you are having trouble grasping this concept, think about the Emmy's, only worse. Much worse. High school is more brutal than any tabloid. So I completely understand the desire to look your best at a dance. (Yes, I know, as adults we look back and think "how silly, high school doesn't really matter... but as a teenage girl you are fairly certain that you will never make it out alive...)

So anyway, her hair looked gorgeous if I do say so myself. =P As I sat there though, I couldn't help but pray that all of the girls in my youth group would have a great time, without compromising all they claim to believe on Sunday nights. I know as well as anyone how hard that is and my heart was aching for every one of them. My heart aches as they go to school every day and face temptations that even I didn't have to face 5 years ago. My heart aches for them as they encounter boys who are NOT seeking to be godly young men, and do not have any interest in protecting their hearts. My heart aches for them every day, but tonight was harder than usual for some reason. Maybe it is because I am leaving soon, I don't know, but that is when I made a rookie mistake. (Prepare to place hand on forehead and sigh heavily...)

I crossed into the dreaded *gulp*  

<mom zone>

I am not even a mom. I am not even close to being a mom, let alone being the mom of a teenager. But something came over me as she was about to get out of my car and head into her friend's house to finish getting ready. I started saying all those mom things. "Have fun! Be safe! Make good choices! Call me if something happens that you are uncomfortable with and you need a ride!" The mood in the car changed dramatically. We went from joking and laughing to feeling slightly awkward. I had pretty much just finished telling her how mature she has become and how much I trust her to make good choice and then I go and blow it by playing the mom card. *insert headbanging here* It gets worse. I did the worst thing imaginable. Are you picturing it? She's getting out of the car and walking around, dress in hand, hair all cute... and I ROLLED DOWN THE WINDOW! I don't know what came over me. It's like I was possessed. I yelled "You have my number right?!?!?!?!?!"

*sigh*
I think I am going to have to flee to Madagascar. Maybe she'll forget by the time I get back. Maybe she won't tell the other girls how suddenly uncool I am. Maybe...ugh I am toast. =P

In all seriousness I know she will forgive me for my momentary lapse in sanity, but the thing about being a youth leader is that it's kind of like being a parent, only you skipped the cute baby stage and went right into the scary teenage years. It's exciting to be a youth leader, but it's a little scary too. Everyone of the girls in the youth group has a special place in my heart and I want to protect them from all the crap they will get in High School. I want to protect them from boys and tell them to wait for a man of God. I want to ensure they keep walking in the path of righteousness and hold fast to the truth they claim. But I can't. I have to trust that God loves them more than I do and that He will take care of them. I think that is one of the hardest things in leaving. I want to continue watching them grow, but God has a different plan for the next few months. My time with them is drawing to a close, but I am trusting that God will bring someone else to help them grow, or maybe it's time they learned to grow on their own. Who knows? (well, who besides God)

If you will, join me in praying for the youth in America. Pray for the girls that they will not be tempted by the things of this world. Pray that they will grow strong in their faith. Pray for the boys, that they will grow into Godly men who are leaders. Pray that all of them will resist temptation and set their hope fully on Christ in a world where Christ is far from popular.

The Journey to Africa (With a Tiny Detour to France)

I don't fly very often. In fact, before this week, there were only two other trips in which I flew anywhere. Needless to day, I still get very excited on a plane. Oh, I hide it better, but I can completely empathize with the kid in the seat in front of me screaming "WE'RE TAKING OFF WEEEEEEEEEEEEEE!!!!" MOMMY DADDY WE'RE FLYING, WEEEEEEE!!!!" while we are still sitting on the runway...

My excitement about flying however is not the point of this. Many of you know that I went to Missions Orientation at AIM Headquarters this week in Peachtree City GA. It was incredible, but draining. I don't feel like I have any reason to be tired. I mean it's not like I ran a marathon, but I think I ran an emotional marathon. Have you ever been sitting in a one hour session at a conference and you go through approximately 1,000 different emotions in that time frame? One minute I was laughing, then I was almost crying, then I was excited then I was scared, then I was nervous... well you get the picture. It was all in the midst of this one session on Culture Shock.

"There are four stages," our wonderful facilitator for that session Stephanie said, "Fun, Flight, Fight, Fit."

(What she may or may not know is that I think I went through every one of them DURING her discussion.)

Let me give those of you who don't know a quick overview of each stage.

Fun: Everything is new and exciting. It looks like a super amazing adventure and it will be great!!!
Flight: Reality of the difference in cultures sets in and you are a little more hesitant... what were you thinking? Are you nuts?
Fight: This is the extreme of the flight stage. This is where you begin to hate everything about the new culture, you are constantly comparing it to everything in your culture and you are literally, FREAKING OUT!
Fit: They tell me this stage occurs, where you learn to appreciate the culture and find your place. This stage seems a little mythical, to be honest. I saw it on a video we watched, but my mama told me never to trust what I see on TV. =P



Okay, so here is my purpose in telling you all of this. I realized something as I was flying home yesterday.
Transitioning to a new culture is much like the flying itself. You take off and head full speed away from everything you know and love. It is exciting, but as you look back you begin to wonder if this was really a good idea.You are leaving everything you know for something radically different. Something that you are not even sure really exists!


As you go into the clouds, the hesitation grows more intense. You hit a bit of turbulence, you can't see what you left behind anymore and all you see are clouds that are blinding you. You dream of home and think of the things you know because you can't even begin to fathom that the new things will really be okay. Sometimes it's just low visibility, sometimes there is lightning and rain as you fly through the clouds, but either way the unknown and misunderstood is uncomfortable.

Then finally, there is a break in the clouds, and you are literally on top of the world. You are above all the clouds that seemed to be choking you and you see it from a new perspective. You realize why God has brought you through this and you realize the things in this new place that are breathtakingly amazing. You know that the place you left behind is back somewhere, but you know you were meant to be in this new place, admiring God from a new perspective.



Though I haven't been to a foreign country, I was thinking about all that I had learned about culture shock and to be honest I was feeling nervous about it, but God, in his infinite wisdom, gave me a incredible bit of perspective as I flew through the clouds. In the midst of the clouds, when things seem bleakest, when the panic sets in and you question your sanity, there is a pilot who knows where He is going. He is guiding you and leading you and bringing you through the clouds to safety.

God has a purpose for my trip. I have an idea of what it will be, but only He knows the TRUE destination. He knows exactly where I am going and the purpose for every cloud in the sky. I am in good hands. I will choose to trust the pilot and have no fear.