Ranting.

Do you ever do something that you pretty much instantly regret? For me it's ranting or complaining. There is never a reason to complain, and ranting NEVER makes me feel better. Yet, I do it anyway. Something irritates or frustrates me and instead of dealing with it appropriately I explode. I don't even explode to something like a journal, usually, I just explode to a random person.
Again, NEVER HELPFUL.

So I did that today. My computer was doing something crazy and I couldn't figure it out. Do I calmly walk away from the computer and give myself distance from the situation so that I can think rationally? OF COURSE NOT! I typed a furious message in all capitals to the last person I talked to on skype, then shut my computer down and walked away. 'Cause that is totally the mature and rational thing to do.

I spent all day teaching problem solving skills, and yet, I seem to have none.

All day I said things like, "Instead of getting frustrated or upset, what could we do instead?" and "Instead of crying about it, why don't we take a deep breath and see if we can find a solution?"

And then, at the slightest bit of annoyance, I rant. Productive right? I'm a total hypocrite, and my humanity annoys me.

So I sat down and got my Bible out. I've been reading Psalms. Sometimes I really feel like I relate to David. It gives me comfort to know that he sometimes screws up and has human responses to situations. He's so genuine and it is encouraging. So anyway, I read Psalm 45, and the last verse in that chapter says this:

"I will cause your name to be remembered in all generations;
    therefore nations will praise you forever and ever."

What is my purpose in ranting? My purpose in everything I say and do should be to cause God's name to be remembered for all generations. I have to admit that I don't always filter what I say by that standard. My frustration will pass, the small things that irritate of frustrate me will be resolved eventually. But the things I say can never be taken back. I realize that this is just a small example, I mean I didn't say anything really horrible, but God gently reminded me that I cannot proclaim His name with the same lips that complain about ridiculous things. 

Life isn't always pretty. I am going to say stuff I regret, but I feel like God gave me a little glimpse of the feeling Isaiah had when he was standing before the throne of God and saying “Woe is me! For I am lost; for I am a man of unclean lips... for my eyes have seen the King, the LORD of hosts!” (Isaiah 6:5)