Breathing In and Out

 1 Oh come, let us sing to the Lord;
    let us make a joyful noise to the rock of our salvation!
² Let us come into his presence with thanksgiving;
    let us make a joyful noise to him with songs of praise!
³ For the Lord is a great God,
    and a great King above all gods.
⁴ In his hand are the depths of the earth;
    the heights of the mountains are his also.
⁵ The sea is his, for he made it,
    and his hands formed the dry land.

⁶ Oh come, let us worship and bow down;
    let us kneel before the Lord, our Maker!
⁷ For he is our God,
    and we are the people of his pasture,
    and the sheep of his hand.

                 Psalm 95:1-7

Sometimes I have a really bad attitude. I mean REALLY bad attitude. Sometimes I am such a grouch and I say the most horrible and complaining things in my head, and then I get mad at myself for being such a selfish brat and then I am in a worse mood. All of this happens in my head usually, because I try not to be a grouch to other people... but sometimes I seriously have the most grouchy and sarcastic thoughts in the world.

Last night was one of those nights. I was just in a bad mood. I don't know why, I really had no reason to be. I was just being a terrible grouch, and for one millisecond, I was content to be in that horrible mood.

At that moment I was talking to a friend who said to me (not knowing my innermost thoughts...)"I am choosing to be thankful today... because God gave me the whole day to breathe in and out."


And then, as if that wasn't already a slap across the face God said, "Hey, remember that Psalm you read this morning (Psalm 95)? The one that you underlined and then wrote out in your journal about being thankful to me and singing praises to me? And then you asked me to help make that your heart's attitude? How's that working out?"

Ouch.

No seriously, it hurt. It's like being punched in the gut and knowing you completely deserve it, so your heart hurts AND your stomach hurts.

It stinks being convicted of sin, especially the sin of having a bad attitude. If you have never had that particular conviction, let me just tell you that it is not the kind of feeling that typically makes your attitude better. But it is a joy to be convicted of sin, because then you can bask in forgiveness and the restoration of the relationship. 

So I confessed, and I started thanking God for his blessings in my life. I started by thanking God for the whole day to breath in and out. It seemed logical since God had clearly used that as my wake up call. Then I thanked him for taking care of me. For the wonderful family I am living with, and for taking such good care of little Elliot. For being with the kids and the whole Niles family as they take care of the baby. For blessing me with an awesome family and a group of friends at home that love me. For being with me always and never forsaking me (even thought I completely deserve it). For forgiveness, and patience, and love, and conviction of sins. I started singing praises to God as I sat on my bed sewing an advent calendar and counting my blessings. It was a really, REALLY sweet and wonderful time. 

Everything I have comes from God. I don't deserve any of it. As long as God keeps giving me days to breathe in and out, I will use those breaths to give Him glory.