Re-packing

About a month or two or three before I left for France, I started packing. Before that even I had lists everywhere, and piles of stuff to go. I would pack things up in a crazy rush of panic, only to realize that I actually needed my hairbrush for the next few weeks and unpack once again.

Now here I sit, ten days before heading to Madagascar, and the thought of repacking all my stuff is a thought I dread.

Some stuff never made it out of my bags. I haven't really needed my sunscreen or my mosquito net here in France.

Some stuff will not be leaving France with me.  I don't imagine I will need my snow boots too much in Madagascar.

But I have acquired some things too. I have an amazing poster from Madagascar that Marc and Stacy gave me for Christmas for my wall in my house in Betroky. Sitting next to me on the shelf is a picture frame made by some kids I adore with a picture of their beautiful faces inside. Some books, an egg timer, a measuring cup... all waiting to be packed in my suitcases. Though not everything is packed and organized, everything is pretty much ready to go. The stuff that never made it out of my suitcases is ready and waiting, some things I never intended to bring on have already been given away.

Yet, there is something that is not even close to being ready to go.

My heart.

Much like before I left for France I am excited to go, but hating to leave. My heart wants to stay here, with this family whole I love. It wants to stay and keep making friends, because it feels like after all this time I am JUST starting to make friends here.

I can't pack my heart in a suitcase and drag it behind me.

I can't leave it here while I go on.

There is really only one thing I can do, and I have to do it daily. Sometimes hourly. I must surrender it to the only One who is coming with me, and ask Him to carry it for me. To bring it along. To place it in the place He has intended since the beginning of time and let it grow there until He wants it to be moved again.

I will re-pack my suitcases, I will leave things behind, but I will trust God with my heart. He knows what He wants to do with it for the time being, and even though it hurts to leave, it will be worse to be outside the will of God.

Wherever I am, I want to be all there. For the next 10 days my heart is here, and then, hard as it will be, my heart will move to the next spot God wants it to be.

Lord, Let my heart be molded by You, and rooted in Your will alone.