Truth is...

I have heard from several people that they appreciate how "real" I am in my blog posts. Thanks for that everyone. You are too kind. Heads up, we are about to get really real up in this place.

Truth is... I have been struggling to write a blog post for the last few days because nothing I want to write at the moment is pretty. It's too "real" for me to share.

I like to be real, but I also like my "realness", my struggles, to be wrapped up in a neat little package with a happy ending where I have learned a lesson from God and I can move on.

Truth is... life isn't always like that.

Sometimes we are in the middle of lessons, and we can't just shut ourselves off, paste a smile on our face and pretend that we aren't struggling. We can't just pretend until the lesson is learned and then magically reveal how God has worked in our lives, while people are sitting there saying "Wow, I didn't even know she was struggling with that."

So. Here I sit, revealing to you the not so pretty truth.

Truth is... I hate transition. I am leaving for Madagascar in less than 3 weeks. And I am feeling a bit freaked out.

Truth is... I hate not knowing stuff and not being good at stuff. I have zero skills that will make me of any use in Madagascar. Today I asked if you stick the chicken in a pot of boiling water, or hit it over the head with a frying pan to stun if before you cut it's head off. And I am feeling a bit freaked out.

Truth is... I pretty much failed at making rice last night. And that is what I am going to eat everyday, for almost every meal in Madagascar. And I am feeling a bit freaked out.

Truth is... I like to know how things are going to work. I like to be prepared. No matter how many questions I ask, I am not prepared and I have no idea how things are going to work out. And I am feeling a bit freaked out.

Truth is... I know God will take care of me, He always has. But I am still feeling scared, and a bit freaked out.

Truth is... Feeling isn't truth. It may be true that I am feeling freaked out, feeling scared, feeling nervous. But my feelings are not facts.

Truth is... God expects me to obey even when I am feeling like my feelings are speaking louder than His truths.

That's a really tough truth, and the truth is I am having trouble swallowing it right now. There is no pretty way to wrap this up. There are no bows or ribbons.

Lord, Help me trust in your truths, believe in your promises, and obey your commands.